CareerCurve™

I apologize in advance if this turns into a rant.  I’m about to hop up onto one of my biggest soapboxes.  I am very interested in whether HR is seeing any ramifications yet in employees or applicants. 

What is with the whole attitude surrounding kids’ sports these days?  We can’t keep score at games because we don’t want anyone to know the other team is better than them.  We can’t let kids on the same team compete for starting positions because that puts too much pressure on them.  We can’t punish anyone who doesn’t show up for practice because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  We go for ice cream after every game instead of only when we win.  We can allow kids to practice with their team but not participate in meets or games if they feel nervous. After your part of the meet or game is done, you can leave.  Everyone gets a trophy.

I don’t understand what happened to change the way “competitive” sports (and I use that term loosely) are run now versus when I was a kid.  And what are we teaching our children?

Here is a list of life lessons I learned by participating in sports as a kid:

Competition – It is much more fun to win than to lose.  But you compete mainly against yourself and if you’ve done well, you can feel good about losing.

Goal Setting / Ambition – Lots of hard work pays off and achieving your goals feels awesome.  Once you do, you set new goals.  And you do your best, all the time. 

Dedication – A team is a group of people who depend on you to do your part.

Teamwork  - You win as a team and you lose as a team.  There is no I in team.  Your teammates will encourage you when you are struggling, will teach you things you do not know yet, and will share both your successes and failures with you.   You do the same for the other members of the team.

Commitment – When you commit to being on a team, you do not quit.  You may choose not to join again in the future, but you committed to the season and you will show up.

Humility – Sometimes your best is NOT good enough.

Respect – Your coach is the head of your team and is there to push you to be your best.  You may not like what they are saying or making you do, but they are above you in the hierarchy and you will treat them with respect.  Likewise your teammates, even if they have a bad day.

Sportsmanship – How to lose gracefully.  And more importantly, how to win gracefully.

Coping Skills / How to Manage Emotions – How to manage nervousness, pressure, disappointment in yourself, and disappointment in a team member, just to name a few.

I believe wholeheartedly that we are doing a disservice to our children by the way competitive sports are handled now.  At some point they are going to try to get a job and how are they possibly prepared for that?  We have now taught them that the world revolves around them (me, me, me), they don’t have to work hard to be rewarded, and no one will criticize them.  Their feelings will never be hurt, they’ll never be turned down for a job, and they are entitled to all kinds of great things just because they exist.   Participation is the only requirement to be successful.  Do we want a generation of people who strive for mediocrity? 

This does not even remotely resemble the real world.

Are you seeing the effects of this yet?  When you are interviewing applicants, do they have a sense of entitlement?  Do you find yourself dealing with a lack of these life lessons with your current employees?  Are candidates and employees dedicated, committed, and respectful?  Or do you now spend a lot of energy trying to create this mindset?

As I’m driving home from practice with my nine year old she started complaining that one of her coaches was “mean” to her.   He is always telling her things she is doing wrong.  I told her that is a coach’s job and they are supposed to be mean.   I was kind of flippant about it.  But then I realized that this really required a little more conversation because this can be a valuable life lesson for her; one I see plenty of “grown ups” struggling to learn.

I explained that I wanted her to do something that was going to be very hard for her.  I wanted her to go to practice for the next week and pay very close attention to this coach.  I know she feels she is being singled out, but I wanted her to focus on whether she truly IS being singled out.  I told her this would be difficult because she already feels she is, and she may have to be very honest with herself about whether this is really true; and possibly admit that it is not. 

The next week we discussed it again and she admitted that he treated everyone the same.  I was pretty impressed by this admission as I see experienced adults who can’t admit things like this.  I then explained to her that in the majority of cases if someone she respects who is in a position of authority is delivering a consistent message to multiple people, he or she is actually handing her a gift.  The goal is to help her grow and improve and this coach has invested himself in her future. 

I emphasized that a good first reaction is to view it that way, as if someone is handing her a present.  This will help her deal with the emotional piece and really assess the situation from a more objective point of view.  Obviously she is nine and must learn that this will not always be the case (which is why I mentioned this criticism coming from a position of respect and authority and not her friends.)  Eventually, it should be true of everyone who is close to her.

So, what does this have to do with anything?  How does this relate to business? 

Well, managing people is very difficult and many times criticism is not well received.  I am suggesting, without being condescending, that the idea of criticism as a gift should be discussed with your staff.  Have a conversation similar to the one I had with my daughter and set expectations.  If it is explained from the outset that if a criticism is brought up, it will be for the purpose of improving productivity, the employee is a lot more likely to view it in that light. Point out that as a manager, you are investing in the employee’s personal growth and professional career.  Commit to providing feedback both good and bad, fairly and frequently, for the purpose of individual improvement.  But address the role of constructive criticism as a part of this process.

Professor P. M. Forni, co-founder of the Johns Hopkins University Civility Project, advocates powerfully for people to communicate both honestly and humanely. He believes constructive criticism is “a welcome opportunity to learn.” But he also recommends a cautious and careful examination of motives before diving in. “Make sure that your intention is to help with a problem and not to humiliate, manipulate or exact revenge.”

In the workplace, Forni and other researchers emphasize that establishing an environment of positive reinforcement helps create a feedback-friendly climate.  Work done well deserves praise and recognition, but employers, managers and co-workers often overlook the simple step of consistently acknowledging good performance. The desire for approval is a basic human need going back to infancy that we never outgrow. Appreciation and recognition correlate strongly to employee motivation and morale. On the other hand, Forni cites U. S. Department of Labor statistics that show “Feeling unappreciated at work is a leading cause of leaving a job.”

What better way to show appreciation than by investing in an employee’s career and making sure they KNOW this prior to providing feedback?